Snips, Snails and Puppy Dog Tails


As I round out the end of pregnancy with our third little girl the congenial woman I once was has been replaced with a monstrous she devil. My husband  has recently declared in Soup Nazi fashion ‘No more babies!’ and at this stage in the game I’m inclined to agree with him. However, I know I would do it all over again, just one more time, for a little boy in the family.

The following are all the reasons that I want to bring a young man into our family. Before anyone starts with the PC, feminist “Girls can do anything boys can do!” bologna; these are my reasons, selfish, sexist and stereotypical as they may be they’re mine. I’m running on the assumption that none of my girls will grow to be anything like Jo from Facts of Life.

  • I want to be a meddlesome Mother In Law. Men don’t care as much if I step on toes and buy Easter dresses, throw around my unsolicited advice and bemoan the way my poor grandchildren are being raised. My own girls will already have me figured out and I know at least one will promptly tell me to butt out.
  • I like my husbands face. I’d like to see it again on a handsome little guy. We have met our quota of blonde haired-blue eyed-cuteness here.
  • Toilet training to aim at Cheerios.
  • Buzz cuts. I loathe little girl hair, hair bands, bows and the like. We have two styles in our home, the sheep dog or the pony tail (that morphs into the sheep dog 2 hours in).
  • Mother & Son wedding dances. The video of my grandma dancing with my father and reading her lips as she whispers “my baby” into his shoulder at his wedding is priceless. I want that priceless moment at the expense of the brides family.
  • Car trouble, home maintenance and the lifting of heavy objects.
  • Little League football and scouts that build things besides cookie empires.
  • My husband giving someone the uncomfortable talk when puberty rolls around. I shouldn’t have to sweat this alone because my equipment matches everyone else in the house.
  • Though I’m much more partial to his face, my husband’s personality isn’t half bad either. If only I could have gotten to it earlier I may have been able to create the perfect man. Having a little boy may give me that chance.

It should go without saying that my girls are incredible. They’re smart, inquisitive, well rounded and build with blocks just as often as they throw tea parties. I know our newest  lass will be no exception. I wouldn’t trade any of them for Huck Finn. My desire for a boy doesn’t stem from any disappointment with my mothering experience of them. Men and women are different in the way we approach, experience and interact with the world and as much as I love parenting I would love to try my hand at it from a different angle.

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One Response to Snips, Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

  1. Hey, never say never… Thanks for the great laugh, you had me practically falling off my chair with your Cheerios training. If it’s any consolation, they don’t seem to remember later on in life – they still manage to pee everywhere except in the right place.
    We had two boys, then Little My appeared and my husband went all soft on me. I still go bananas because he lets her get away with murder, whereas her brothers get in trouble for the same things. Oh, and for the puberty talks… don’t you believe it, girl. I’ve had “the talk” with all my kids – my boys talk about that sort of stuff with mum first.
    Enjoy being a she devil – it’s the only time you can get away with it 🙂

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